Dredger Dirt on the River Bank

On logging onto my account I see it has been almost a full year since I last posted.  As usual I offer my apologies but also I wanted to explore why that is, what has happened and what is going on now.

Why haven’t I posted?

For those that have read from the start you will be aware I vowed to publish articles that were relevant to my learning and not simply populate a blog with meaningless drivel about all sorts of minutiae that we all cope with every day.  So there was a period of time where I considered that I was mostly “OK”.  Things were progressing and I was relatively happy, nothing major to report.

Then things got busy, this meant that even when things were happening I didn’t feel I had the time (or I simply didn’t make the time) to post or examine my thoughts for the value they held.  Everything built up and before I realised there were mountains surrounding me (figuratively speaking of course) and I had isolated myself from all support, including writing here.  As I was not confiding in those closest to me it seemed unethical to post on a blog about problems I was having.  Hence I kept my own counsel, I’m sure most of you that have done this will realise that didn’t work!

What has happened?

Well at last report I was working part time, I am now working full time with a good deal of responsibility.  Previously I was in my first year of homeopathic study, I am now approaching the end of my second year.  Sufficient to say that although my “spare” time has been somewhat lazy with TV and Computer games I have been feeling very busy and avoiding many tasks.

As with life things have changed and I have had to adapt.  Our much loved Principal at my homeopathy college died suddenly last summer and whilst college life has continued we still feel his loss and miss his presence.  Recently our beloved Tess went to sleep and this has had a profound affect on me as I don’t yet have the option to have another dog myself and life is always better when you have the unconditional love of a good dog with you.

In summary as I already mentioned almost everything but the most essential has ground to a halt in my life.  Coming from a position where I thought I had “fixed” a fair amount of the concerns I had with my life and my thinking I am now in a position where those sand castles have long since washed away.

What is going on now?

Having found myself alone and barely functioning as a human being I had to wallow in that state for a small time before coming to the decision that something had to be done.  The reflective work being included in my college course helped prompt me into this and fortunately the support offered by our college principals has been instrumental in getting me to work on stability and my ability to truly move forward.  Recognising not just the “bad habits” I have but also why I have them and how I can distinguish things from the past from things now.

This is why I have chosen the title for this article.  Imagine that my life is a beautiful river with flower covered banks and fields either side to the horizon.  About as perfect as you could want a life to be, right?  Now imagine that we have floated down river to a point where silt has built up and nothing can easily flow.  Having been stuck in this part of the river for a time I have enlisted the support of a dredger to deepen the river and allow life to flow more freely and easily once more.  The difficulty is that the dredger is throwing all sorts of dirt onto the river bank, I need to properly dispose of the dirt so that the bank can once more be covered in bloom.  That is my task at present, facing the things that I have buried and finding a way to accept them and let them go without hiding them again.

There is much going on and I am experiencing thoughts and “learnings” more frequently than I have for a few years.  I hope I can share them with you here and that they may resonate with a few people and help them find the beauty and flow along their river…

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About onyxfishy

I am a thirty three year old guy learning his way through life. In early 2010 I met a special person that changed my view on life. I have subsequently been learning a new way to live aside from the hustle and bustle of making a living. My journey has been going well and so I am choosing to share some of my thoughts and experiences.

Posted on 28 April, 2017, in Comments. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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