Author Archives: onyxfishy
On logging onto my account I see it has been almost a full year since I last posted. As usual I offer my apologies but also I wanted to explore why that is, what has happened and what is going on now.
Why haven’t I posted?
For those that have read from the start you will be aware I vowed to publish articles that were relevant to my learning and not simply populate a blog with meaningless drivel about all sorts of minutiae that we all cope with every day. So there was a period of time where I considered that I was mostly “OK”. Things were progressing and I was relatively happy, nothing major to report.
Then things got busy, this meant that even when things were happening I didn’t feel I had the time (or I simply didn’t make the time) to post or examine my thoughts for the value they held. Everything built up and before I realised there were mountains surrounding me (figuratively speaking of course) and I had isolated myself from all support, including writing here. As I was not confiding in those closest to me it seemed unethical to post on a blog about problems I was having. Hence I kept my own counsel, I’m sure most of you that have done this will realise that didn’t work!
What has happened?
Well at last report I was working part time, I am now working full time with a good deal of responsibility. Previously I was in my first year of homeopathic study, I am now approaching the end of my second year. Sufficient to say that although my “spare” time has been somewhat lazy with TV and Computer games I have been feeling very busy and avoiding many tasks.
As with life things have changed and I have had to adapt. Our much loved Principal at my homeopathy college died suddenly last summer and whilst college life has continued we still feel his loss and miss his presence. Recently our beloved Tess went to sleep and this has had a profound affect on me as I don’t yet have the option to have another dog myself and life is always better when you have the unconditional love of a good dog with you.
In summary as I already mentioned almost everything but the most essential has ground to a halt in my life. Coming from a position where I thought I had “fixed” a fair amount of the concerns I had with my life and my thinking I am now in a position where those sand castles have long since washed away.
What is going on now?
Having found myself alone and barely functioning as a human being I had to wallow in that state for a small time before coming to the decision that something had to be done. The reflective work being included in my college course helped prompt me into this and fortunately the support offered by our college principals has been instrumental in getting me to work on stability and my ability to truly move forward. Recognising not just the “bad habits” I have but also why I have them and how I can distinguish things from the past from things now.
This is why I have chosen the title for this article. Imagine that my life is a beautiful river with flower covered banks and fields either side to the horizon. About as perfect as you could want a life to be, right? Now imagine that we have floated down river to a point where silt has built up and nothing can easily flow. Having been stuck in this part of the river for a time I have enlisted the support of a dredger to deepen the river and allow life to flow more freely and easily once more. The difficulty is that the dredger is throwing all sorts of dirt onto the river bank, I need to properly dispose of the dirt so that the bank can once more be covered in bloom. That is my task at present, facing the things that I have buried and finding a way to accept them and let them go without hiding them again.
There is much going on and I am experiencing thoughts and “learnings” more frequently than I have for a few years. I hope I can share them with you here and that they may resonate with a few people and help them find the beauty and flow along their river…
The end of April signals that one third of 2016 has passed us by. Also that there is a mere couple of weeks before I have to start remembering a new number when someone asks how old I am. Although in fairness the only people that usually ask that are my parents when I am indulging the superb imagination of my niece.
For lessons in life it seems a reasonable time to see where I have gotten to with the latest time I have had available to me. Of course I had (as usual) been hoping to be far more active on the blog. After all I am back at study learning a new career. In reality I have found myself split in many ways. Work has an established and steady rhythm which has occasional bursts of activity which are usually well known about in advance. This is both amazing and deliberately the way in which I have negotiated my work arrangements to be, allowing a conducive ability to study.
So with work well settled into the parameters I pre-defined you would think that I would have study time as needed, post blog articles regularly and the world would be an amazing place of learning and growth. Oh if life were ever so simple… In reality by confining my work I have simply exposed the true conflict for time is between my escapism and my true path. Previously I allowed my own perfection to allow work to bleed into my personal time more than may have been normal. Now I have simply replaced the distraction of what I felt was my duty with other things. I distract myself by watching television programs, playing computer games, becoming tired and sleeping. All of which serve as an escape from actually knuckling down and getting on with what needs to be done. Much as writing this article right this moment is yet another example of escape from the other things that I need to be doing.
As with all changes we seek to make in life the first step is recognising the need to change and fully understanding what you are doing. The patterns of behaviour that you are allowing yourself to exist in. This can be a difficult step and the next one is no less so. Learning how to bring about a change in behaviour patters (even a small one). So this is the lesson I have been working with since changing the course of my life. To date I have have tried many ways to positively encourage the new behaviours I want to encourage in myself and while my studies are being accomplished and I am completing my work as a student I do not feel I have yet achieved the potential I am capable of.
I attended a learning day yesterday that was extremely interesting and fulfilling for me personally. Firstly I was thrilled to see my homoeopath in action as one of those presenting the subject. I have had the desire to sit and learn from him for some time, however with our usual contact being in a patient consultation this was an opportunity to see him “in action” so to speak.
Without going into the subject material at this particular time (mostly because I need time to digest and read up) it has shown me the need for further in depth thought on my journey in life. It may provide some practical information on what type of journey I selected for myself and some of the key learnings that I will be faced with. All of which are incredibly positive.
Our 2016 – 33% distance score is that there is still a great deal to learn. I hope that there always is!
Waking up on the first day of a new year much like any other new year. I do not list short term resolutions that will be forgotten as quickly as they are made. Instead choosing some general principles for how I would like life to flow during the coming 526,560 minutes.
2015 brought some intense changes that took courage and planning and 2016 needs a continuation of that same courage. Much as the White-bell stands apart from the bluebells that surround it I must be true to the conviction that my chosen path is the correct one for my life to follow. Therefore I have chosen three areas of life to continue to develop during the year.
Work and Study
I will continue the balance of working as needed to bring money and free time for my living expenses and study. My ultimate goal in this area is that should my current work end I will have enough savings that I may not need to work until setting up my new business.
My study of homoeopathy remains the primary focus and I will complete my first year of study and move into an exciting second year understanding more of the practice of homoeopathy alongside anatomy, physiology and pathology. Approaching my studies with a thirst for knowledge and the realisation that I will be continuously learning and developing my knowledge for the rest of my life.
An area of expression that I have laid dormant for some time is my creativity. As I continue on my path I feel it is important for me to renew focus in this area. I am uncertain what form this will take, if I will return to my love of writing poetry or find new and interesting ways to bring forward what I feel on the inside. I have considered the possibility of extending Learning My Life Lessons into a VLOG format. Ultimately I will see where the wind takes me.
As I continue to learn about different aspects of healing it becomes even more important to better learn how to keep my own body in health. As I learn more about the practice, philosophy and nature of homoeopathy my part as a patient becomes greater. As important as this is to me it is only one facet of my contribution to maintaining my own health. The most important contributor I intend to evolve this year is dietary nutrition. The very fuel on which I run my being needs to be tuned correctly otherwise all else that comes is tainted.
The changes will be small and often moving towards a diet in tune with my blood type. Choosing foods that are beneficial to my health and avoiding those which detract from it. Establishing an improved base for my physical body to operate from I will also focus on engaging a good exercise regime. Something reduced by no longer walking to and from work on a daily basis.
As always I choose myself as the sole arbiter of my personal health. I am responsible for all choices made, therefore by extension, for any ill function and the remedy thereof.
In 365 days when I look back on this year I wish to be able to say that I continued to learn and grow, to experience joy in my work, study, leisure and creativity. That those around me continued to bring positive influence to my life, as I hope I bring to theirs. No lofty goals, just human ones. Life happens one moment to the next, be sure to enjoy and be proud of them all!
Contrary to my expectations I did not have a surge of time and updates following my last post. It is surprising how you can plan in minute detail and yet still be open to the ways in which our plans naturally change. So here’s what happened…
May saw me saying farewell to my job of twelve years, to my home of a year. Moving forwards (and ironically back at the same time) I returned home, closer to my parents and family. I had expected to be more emotional about this but everything flowed so well there was little time to dwell, the moving van arrived to whisk me away the day after I handed in my key card at work. In retrospect the whole operation was quite a bit of planning and I’m glad that it went as smoothly as it did.
June was largely a time of adjustment and remembering how to life in my flat. Taking a much needed breather to let go of the stresses I have been carrying around for many years. Then all to quickly it was time to start an unexpected part of the adventure. I had managed to secure a new contract job with a friend and successfully negotiated working terms that provided what he needed and also allowed the flexibility I wanted. Amazing how simple treating work as a business transaction and making it mutually beneficial can be!
I worked full time over the summer months and quickly began to truly enjoy and appreciate the new people I am working with. September brought me down to a three day working week, attend a lovely wedding for some good friends and start my studies at the South Downs School of Homoeopathy. Another place in which I am surrounded by amazing people that are caring, kind and passionate.
From then on I have been working to find the correct balance of Work, Study, Social, Computer Games, Housework and all the myriad things that we think about doing with our time. My success in balancing I believe is realising that balance will change and adapt to circumstances. Some weeks require more study due to a homework deadline and others allow more time for social and games. The key principle is to focus time and attention on one thing at a time…
So this lands us to now, December 31st, the last day of the calendar year. Safe to say the year did not unfold exactly as I planned. The important things all happened and the rest flexed to be what was required. I know that everything has happened as it should based on how easily events have flowed. I can exit 2015 with extreme gratitude for the inspiration that has guided me, the people that have supported me and for the satisfaction both have given me.